Depression is a load that can pull you down, physically as well as mentally. That is a mental health issue that many millions of people suffer from worldwide, and it’s helpful to understand just how hard it is to manage. One of the main things that can make living with depression difficult is having an “internal critic” – a harsh, mean voice that comes across as being very damaging to our self-confidence and distressing for us.
Identifying the Inner Critic
The inner critic is that negative voice in our minds, a constant judge and critic of who we are. It’s the voice that says we are not good enough, that we are lazy, or that we should be doing more. It may hold you up to comparison with others, telling you that you don’t get out the ruler. It can dwell on your errors, bringing a chorus of past failures echoing back to you. Or maybe the worst is predicted, with a warning that things will never improve. This kind can be a relentless voice that needs to be met head-on with the truth, which is a self-destructive force that does not serve us.
Common Unkind Phrases
The internal voice, which is frequently referred to as the “inner critic,” works from a cache of common unkind phrases — phrases like “You’re lazy,” rejections such as “You’ll never amount to anything,” and relentless commands like “You should be doing more.” These are highly toxic because they are not neutral observations but toxic judgments that target us in our most vulnerable spots; it’s a low-grade form of emotional self-sabotage. For example, “You won’t amount to anything” endorses our core fear that we are not good enough, and is a potential self-fulfilling prophecy, and being called lazy can show up when, in fact, we are tired or overwhelmed (and causes paralysis because of the tremendous shame it creates rather than motivates). And “You should be doing more” drives perfectionism and the feeling of never being enough, perpetuating cycles of overwork and burnout, as the goalposts for what is enough are forever shifting. In the end, though such critical words serve only to validate negative core beliefs and shake our confidence in ourselves right down to the crumbled remains of a sense of worth, that’s why breaking up these phrases as a voice of criticism rather than objective truth is so important- it’s the first step in discrediting their undermining potency.
The Destructive Nature of “Should”
The word “should” is a particularly problematic and pervasive phrase used by the inner critic; it’s arguably the most insidious form of self-sabotage because it fundamentally relies on judgment and comparison. When we use “should” against ourselves, such as “I should be more productive,” “I should be further along,” or “I should feel happier,” it immediately presupposes that we are not meeting an imaginary, often external, standard that is frequently unrealistic or ill-defined. It sets up a psychological gap between our current reality and a perceived ideal, generating feelings of guilt, anxiety, and inadequacy that are demoralizing and paralyzing. Rather than encouraging action, this relentless self-criticism tends to keep us stuck in a vicious cycle of self-shame and inaction while maintaining feelings of continuous failure when we are, in fact, doing the best we can, meanwhile ignoring our needs and genuine achievements.
Normalizing the Struggle
Remember that feeling depressed is a normal and widespread experience. Many individuals, even those who attain the heights of achievement, have experienced the burdens of depression. If we can normalize the struggle, we can start to break down some of that shame and stigma. Hopefully, this is how we will learn to treat our minds with a little more compassion and understanding.
Practical Shift: The Power of “It’s Ok”
One helpful, practical change is to replace our self-critical statements with kinder, encouraging ones consciously. In other words, instead of saying to ourselves, “I only did one thing today,” we can reframe our thoughts in a more positive light by telling ourselves, “I did one thing today, and that’s enough.” On those hard days, when you might be feeling crappy about progress, or that little to no is happening, just the thought alone can lend a fresh perspective on it and thus shift the perception into an actually much more substantial one. This will not only make us feel validated in our hunt but also pull us into a healthier state of mind where we can appreciate and celebrate the smallest wins. By developing this compassionate self-talk, we cultivate a friendly inner voice and can motivate ourselves to keep going – no matter how challenging the path may look!
The Role of Self-Compassion in Healing
The importance of self-compassion in recovery cannot be emphasized enough. Self-compassion is simply treating ourselves the way we would treat a dear friend who was suffering. When we treat ourselves this way – kindly and protectively — we cultivate a space within that allows us to grow and heal. Rather than mercilessly judging and criticizing ourselves for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion offers us the possibility of being kind to ourselves, even when we are feeling bad. It is this acceptance that enables us to accept our humanity as we learn that nobody’s path is perfect. In learning to maintain this loving attitude, not only do we help heal our own emotional wounds, but we also gain the strength to forge forward and grow — in more profound ways.
The Need for Professional Support
The importance of having professional assistance while working through depression cannot be overstated. So, yes, we can and should be kind to ourselves on our healing path, but there are times when we need the help of a professional. Licensed mental health professionals, like therapists or counselors, are qualified to provide helpful resources, coping mechanisms, and tools that can be very beneficial for those who suffer from depression. They can be a valuable resource for helping people identify what is contributing to their experience and for walking them through personalized treatments that promote healing and growth.
Of these options, the Arbor Wellness in Las Vegas is one provider that offers an empathetic, special space for care. They are committed at helping those who wrestle with many types of mental health challenges, and they provide a protective environment in which you can talk through your thoughts and feelings without receiving judgment. For those who seek help from such experts, the process can foster greater self-awareness and resourcefulness, making it easier to navigate life with greater adaptability. The route to improved mental health is usually best travelled with others who understand and care.
Accepting that it’s hard to deal with depression is the first step to healing. By acknowledging that there is an internal judge and acting on its self-damaging nature, we can begin to shift it toward a kinder, more nurturing way of talking to ourselves. With the help of self-compassion and mental health practitioners alike, we can learn to ride this rollercoaster, one that hurtles us down toward depression but also lets us climb back up when we are ready.
If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, please call the Arbor Wellness for help. It offers a variety of services to suit all your mental health needs. Remember, reaching out for help can be a brave step toward healing and recovery.
Sources:
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